Why Tessa Stayed Gone

We ride to the boathouse apartment in separate vehicles because Nico still refuses to let family outrank tactics. Tessa ends up beside me for five miles of dark road and no witnesses. I use all of them.

"Why really?" I ask. "Why six years?"

She keeps her eyes on the window. "The first month because I was hurt. The second because Nina was dead and I didn't know who else was. The rest because every time I moved toward home, Owen or Vivian proved they could reach it before I could. Sometimes with money. Sometimes with lawyers. Sometimes with a postcard Poppy never got."

"You still sent them."

"Of course I did. I'm not noble. I wanted her to know I existed. I also wanted Owen to know I could still get close enough to ruin sleep."

That honesty hurts less than sentiment would have. I lean back against the seat and say the part I have been avoiding. "I did marry him because the house felt safer than grief."

Tessa finally looks at me. "I know."

"And because Poppy was there."

"I know that too."

"Then why punish me like I chose him over you on purpose?"

Her mouth tightens. "Because if I admitted the whole system picked for all of us, I'd have to forgive people before the archive was in daylight. I wasn't willing to do that."

The answer is so ugly and human I almost love her for it. Instead I say, "If Poppy is in that room, we get her first and hate each other later."

"Deal."

Nico's voice cracks through the radio at that exact moment. "Visual on upper apartment. One adult female. no child visible. waiting on breach."

Tessa reaches for the door handle before the car fully stops. "That's not Vivian," she says. "That's my grandmother coat. My mother is there."